This is my final piece I wrote for my Creative Fiction course at my college. It's the longest story I think I ever wrote for a class, and I really enjoyed coming up with it.
My mama told me to keep to myself last summer, and if I would’ve known I was going to get my heart broken I might have listened. See my mama is a funny one. She says one thing and means another. Go on and leave my pa and tell him he ain’t worth the crud beneath her suede boots, then cry day in and day out over the man till nothing but heartrending silence, emptying the house of everything joyous and comforting is left. But don’t get me wrong; my mama is a great woman. She done everything she could to support my little sister and brother, and she been working two jobs trying to get ready for when I leave for college. However, I know this time away from my pa has left her unsure of everything.
A lot people say I look just like Pa. Say I got those broad strong shoulders and dark caramel skin my pa got. Even say we act the same because of the way we get angry. I agree that I am a little bit of a hot head, but nothing like my Pa. Once I saw him raise his hand at Mama. She threatened to kick him out if he didn’t stay out of Stacy’s, the local nightclub where he spent his checks. Mama still has the crescent moon shaped scar beneath her left eye, exaggerating her already drooping face. When I saw him hurt my mama, I vowed to always protect her and follow her word. She told me, “Sam, you better do well in that there college, and do good for yourself,” and I promised her I would.
Last summer before my first year away from home, Mama was so proud I’d made it out of high school. I think it was the first time I saw a smile on her face in years when I walked across that stage with my diploma. I guess all that happiness made her work up the courage to leave old Pa.
Poor Mama didn’t realize how much it would tire her up leaving though. We left our small house with Pa’s broad shoulders slumped low and frowning. Not sure if he was angry or saddened, or both, by us leaving, but he didn’t say a word. Guess he figured Mama had made up her mind and there was nothing in the world that would change it. Mama packed us in the car and told us we were going to visit my Auntie June in Tennessee.
That summer I loved a girl for the first time. Her name was Carolyn, and she’s the reason I will never love again. I disobeyed Mama for her, risked my life, and there was nothing to show for it except that same emptiness in my heart that Pa left in our home.
But maybe I should start off where it all began.
In Louisburg, Tennessee, the blazing sun sits in the middle of the sky way past noon, roasting the poor slither of a town. It gets so hot that the tree leaves dry up and fall from the branches like autumn. I only came down south a few times in my life. The first time was for a family reunion and it was the first time I saw my Auntie June. I was only 7 years old, and all I could remember about my aunt was her loud nasally voice. My little sister, Ginger, and brother, Richard, were not even thought of, so they didn’t know what to expect when we pulled up into Auntie June’s yard.
“Baby Sister! You made it! You find the place alright?” Auntie June must have skipped looking in the mirror that morning. She wore a bright pink blouse with a big gold floral print and shorts to match. Mama’s eyes widened as Auntie approached her.
“Oh June! I missed you, sister. But what do you have on? You making my eyes sore just looking at you.” Mama wasn’t the type to hold her tongue.
“Don’t be jealous little sis. Is that my baby niecey? Ginger, I haven’t seen you since you were this high.”
It always seemed that Ginger received all of the attention in the family. I figured it was because she got mama’s light skin and light brown eyes. Since Richard is the middle child, he’s often left unnoticed.
“Hey baby boy! Give your Auntie some sugar! Richard, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And this must be my little Sam.” She walked over to me and pinched my cheeks, making the sides of my face burn with pain. I ain’t want to come off disrespectful so I didn’t say anything about it. Before we made it to Auntie’s house, Mama warned us all to keep to our self and stay out of trouble, especially me. Reckon I roam off and leave the house.
Although mama seemed to trust me, something always gave me the feeling that she saw a little bit of Pa in me. Thought I start a family young like they did, and live life full of should-haves and could-haves.
“Hey Auntie June! Yeah I’ve grown up a lot since you last saw me, huh?” I puffed out my chest and flexed my arms showing off my imaginary muscles.
“Honey please,” Mama chuckled as she walked behind the car to pop the trunk. “Y’all come over here and help mama put these bags in Auntie’s house.” What she really meant was for me to get the bags, while they chat inside, but I didn’t mind.
As I was taking in one of Mama’s large duffle bags, I heard someone singing, more like a sweet hum, behind me. It was a familiar tune, a song I think I heard on the radio while in the car, and every note was in key like a grand piano. The notes glided over the Tennessee wind and soothed the rustling in the trees and calmed the chattering of the birds up above. When I heard that hum, no kidding, it was like everything stopped in awe like the start of a concert when the conductor waves his stick and the orchestra begins. And like the audience stands for the ovation, I turned to face where this sweet sound was coming from.
Next door, Auntie June had a young neighbor. She was sitting on her porch, painting her nails, and singing the sweet sound. She must have seen me staring at her because she stopped and smiled my way. I clamped my lips together and forced a smile back. I didn’t want her to see my gap or risk showing all my teeth like some creepy Cheshire cat. For a second I thought about saying something clever and charming, but I didn’t stay long to pursue the opportunity. I slung the bag behind me and hunched up the steps into the house, making sure I kept my head facing the opposite direction from the pretty girl.
“Is everything alright nephew?” Auntie June grabbed the bag as I entered the front room and looked at me like she was trying to solve a puzzle.
“Oh I’m just fine. I was just wondering if you knew everybody around here.”
“Well hun, there’s not that many to know. See, you got the Gesters who stay across the street. Mr. Benson owns the old grocery store up by the pond, and a bunch old hick farmers down the road. I don’t keep up with them.” She didn’t mention the girl, so I figured I should leave it alone.
“That’s it huh?”
“Well there is a little pretty girl a couple years older than you that just moved in next door.” She looked at me through sly narrow eyes and grinned. “Her and her parents over there just moved down here from New York City. You believe that?” She didn’t give me time to respond, so I just nodded and backed up to take a seat on one her large couches while she blabbed. “But they some nice people. She comes over some time and I pay a little bit to help me with my cleaning. I saw you looking at her out the window, but hey, don’t let your mama see ya messing with these girls Sammy. You know she get all protective,” She giggled and finally walked away to place the duffle bag in the far corner of the room, “Oh, and her name is Carolyn.”
Carolyn. I repeated her name over and over in my head that night, hoping the next day I would get to introduce myself. What would I say though? At school, I had one girl friend that helped me with my work. But she never noticed that I liked her. Once I placed my hand on her shoulder when we were studying in the library and she shrugged me off like my hand was infested with cooties. At home, Mama sheltered me. I only had social contact with girls at school and church, and Mama made sure that I stayed away from them there. Because I was so focused on pleasing her, it wasn’t a huge problem. Eventually, I kind of realized that I wanted to be with someone. Mama didn’t have to know everything.
“Baby eat your grits. They gone get cold.” I plucked my fork through the white glob of grits, pushing them side to side on my plate.
“I’m not that hungry. I think I’m a go outside for some fresh air.”
Exaggeratedly, Auntie June yelled, “Right, fresh air,” winking as I opened the door, causing Mama to squint suspiciously at me. Ignoring her stare, I quickly slid through the screen door. I walked around to the front porch and sat down facing the direction I heard the sweet hum yesterday. She wasn’t outside today and no music was coming from the yard. It was Sunday, and she might have gone to church early this morning. Auntie June’s door squeaked open, and I was sure Mama was coming out to question me.
“Sammy, what are you doing out here?” She asked as if she was accusing me of something already. I looked up and I could tell she had been crying that morning. Pa hadn’t called yet to check if we were alright. He possibly was spending his time more at Stacy’s now that we were away.
“Mama you alright? You look down? Maybe you should go rest.”
“Me? I’m fine baby. A little tired, but I’m fine. Your daddy got me acting crazy. But listen, don’t worry about me. I need to be worried about you. What you and your aunt over there smiling about?”
“I just want to sit and enjoy the view,” I said grinning. She glanced over the burned grass and brown fallen leaves and folded her arms.
“Now son, who are you trying to fool?”
“Mama I’m not fooling you. Can’t I want to get some air without you thinking I am up to no good.” She unfolded her arms and her sad drooping eyes filled with her bottled sadness. Standing up from the porch, I rushed over to embrace her. She cradled in my arms dripping that sadness down my shoulders. She was much smaller than me, and over the course of the past few weeks, she became more feeble and thinner than she ever was. I didn’t say anything. I could only hold her and help her back into the house. At the doorway she whispered, “Can you promise me something?” I didn’t want to guess what she wanted, but I decided to abide by her wishes. “I need to get myself together this summer baby. Promise me you’ll watch over your siblings and make sure they behave and stay away from these girls around here.” I felt cheated, but I knew my mother needed to know that everything was taken care of, so I agreed.
“Yes Ma’am, but what’s the matter Mama?”
“Mama just being silly son. I just been worried about you and your brother and sister. Yall all I got, you know that? I might have to go see a doctor soon. I ain’t been feeling myself, and I need yall to be around. Ok?”
I nodded and helped her back into the house and lead her up to her bed. As soon as I came back to shut the screen door I heard Carolyn’s sweet hum coming from up the street. I nearly jumped in the air with excitement. Her long dark hair blew in the wind as she passed by Auntie’s porch to her own yard. I didn’t want her to see me yet, so I slid by the window next to the door and peeked through the blinds.
She seemed to have stopped outside the house as if she was looking for something. For a second, I thought she saw me through the window, but there was no way she could have. I want to believe that she was trying to find me, and I dreamed that night for her serenade to enter my room and sweep me off to a place as sweet as her voice.
Auntie June was known in Louisburg for her home cooking and extravagant barbeques. Her and her best friend, Mrs. Gester, would spend all day in the kitchen cooking up all the local favorites: corn bread, ham hocks, coleslaw, macaroni and cheese, ribs, collard greens, fried chicken, potato salad, string beans, sweet potato pie, and chitterlings—just to name a few. This was her first barbeque of the summer and she invited everyone in town, and I was more nervous than ever. That morning I changed my clothes at least ten times, I showered twice, once when I woke up and a second time after working up a sweat looking through my clothes, and I’m pretty sure I sprayed on way too much cologne. Auntie June saw my franticness and nearly shock me out my shirt to calm me down.
“Nephew! Sit down now!”
“But she’s coming over Auntie June. You don’t understand! I think I really like her.”
“I get it. But baby boy, you can’t stress out too much. You got to be cool.”
As much as I wanted to believe that Auntie June knew what she was talking about, her nasally voice and bright clothing made me doubt it. I decided to go out to the back yard and get something to drink.
I heard Carolyn’s clicking sandals coming up the side of Auntie June’s backyard pavement when I reached down to pour a cup of lemonade from the cooler. The clicks drowned out my cousins’ booming laughs and the stereo that hung from the broken gatepost, playing country songs. My thighs began to cramp from my frozen stance over the cooler. I could hear her clicks pacing gracefully toward my motionless back, and I tried to causally turn around to face her, convincing myself to pull it together.
She was now directly behind me, luckily distracted from my awkward shuffle to stand back up by my auntie’s loud introduction to the family.
“Oh Carolyn dear! Come on over here and meet my kinfolk. This right here is my little niecey Ginger, here’s Richard,” lowing her voice to a whisper, “He’s not too friendly. I’d leave him alone.” And louder than normal conversation volume, she pulled Carolyn towards me, “But this right here is my favorite, Sam!” She licked her pale wrinkled thumb and began pinching my cheeks again till they stung with pain. My face turned a bright pink, partly from her pinching and partly from the embarrassment I felt for having to meet Carolyn this way.
“Sam, Carolyn. Carolyn, Sam. Now yall go along, and help Mrs. Gester pick up them cans over there.” Auntie finally left us alone, and I was able to look Carolyn in the eyes for the first time. They were a bright honey brown, soft and melodic with every blink.
“Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’ve heard all about you Sam.”
You heard all about me? I didn’t know what to say, how could she know so much about me and I knew virtually nothing about her.
“Well I heard you singing the other day, it was beautiful.” She blushed as she reached down for the soda cans in the grass.
“Oh you heard me? I wasn’t really singing. You know I play the guitar too. Come over some time and I’ll play for you.”
“I’d like that.” I loosened my grin and let my teeth show the rest of the night. A big wide smile never left my face after that. The chatter from the now crowded back yard faded away from my conscious. Everything faded. The clanking from the cold cola and beer bottles, Auntie June’s nasally voice, my siblings’ bickering, even the bird chirps and the wind muted around Carolyn. The only sound I can recall is the familiar song now playing over the radio Carolyn hummed the other day. It was simple and peaceful like Tennessee’s night sky with all the luminous stars.
It was almost midnight, when the food was all eaten and the crowd slowly dwindled from the back yard. Mama had went to bed earlier, saying she needed to get away and rest, so I offered to walk Carolyn over to her door.
We sat down on her porch and looked up into the sky.
“You real close with your family huh?” she asked.
“Yeah, you could say that. Now that my mama by herself she need me to take care of things. I might even have to take off school a little while till everything gets alright.”
“Is she sick?” She took her eyes away from the night sky and stared empathically at me.
“I doubt it. Sure seems like she’s working herself up into something though. Where are your people?” I gazed over at her as she leaned back to stare up at the sky with the wind blowing through her long brown hair. The porch light above us made it look golden like the blooming tulips along her front pavement.
“They inside probably sleep. We got family out here too, so we left New York to be down here with them. I didn’t want to come. My whole life is back in the city, and I planning on moving by myself soon with some friends. I took up a cashier job up the road at Mr. Benson’s place and work for your aunt sometime to save up some cash.”
“So what are you going to do when you get there?”
“Find a job most likely. To tell the truth, I’m not worried about all the planning and specifics. I’m just trying to get there. I’m in to letting things happen, you know?”
“Yeah.” She kept looking up at the sky with her head leaned back and armed stretched out behind her as if she was laid out in a field.
“Anyways, one day I came over your Aunt’s house for supper and she told me all about the people out here, and her family up north.” She turned and smiled at me, “she told me she had a handsome nephew that was about to go to college that she thought I’d love to meet.” I turned and looked back at the sky to hide my blushing face. She giggled at my embarrassment and slid her palm over the top my hand. I felt my arm tense up. Calm down. Just be cool, I told myself. I didn’t know what to do at this moment. My breath became more deep and quick, and I looked over at her face again. She stared back at me and I felt my heart beat faster, and faster. I focused myself to relax my face and smile.
“Its kind of late. I don’t want your mama mad at me. Your aunt told me she’s a bit strict. Maybe we should go in now and get some rest.” We both stood up at the same time. Carolyn dusted off her shorts and reached back down for my hand.
“Have a good night, Sam. It was so nice talking to you.” Our hands stayed tangled together for a moment longer when she pushed closer to my chest and pressed her lips against my cheek. It was my first kiss, granted it was only on the cheek, but it was like I felt my skin burst from that spot and surge a wave of heat to my heart. The star and the heavens could see the joy she gave me that night, and my promise I made mama was left behind on Carolyn’s porch.
When I came in the house, Auntie June was sitting in the front room next to her pink beaded lamp, rocking back and forth in her rocker. She raised her eyebrow at me as I tried to walk past without speaking.
“Come here nephew.” I paused at the doorway leading to the guest rooms and slowly turned back around to face her
“Yes ma’am?”
“Now you know I saw you out there with little Carolyn. Your mama told me she didn’t want you out here with none of these girls.”
“Oh Auntie! Please don’t…” She waved her hands and stood up from her chair, cutting me off.
“But listen baby I’m going to keep this quiet. Carolyn is a nice girl. I know she not going to be no trouble, and your mama starting to act a little different. I don’t think she understand that you a man now. You can’t be running up underneath her like some infant. This is your summer break baby, have fun, but just keep out of sight from your mama. She need to get some help. And don’t worry about the young ones. I’ll keep an eye on them”
I hugged and left my Auntie June in the front, and headed to my room. I thought about what she said about Mama, how she needed help. I wondered if she was right. What if Mama really does need some help? Is she going crazy? My mind was filled with thoughts that night. I thought about Carolyn’s sweet hums and long hair, and our kiss, and keeping it all a secret.
Louisburg’s summer days seemed more bright and full of vibrancy when I hung out with Carolyn. It had been a week since the night on her porch and I spent every moment I could without my mama knowing with her. Mama slept a lot and she told me to look after my siblings while she did. But as she laid down to rest, Auntie June would take over and watch them as I snuck out the back gate to Carolyn’s porch.
Today; however, Carolyn needed to come over and do some cleaning for Auntie June.
“Mama! Where you going?” asked my little sister, Ginger, nearly yelling. Mama hadn’t put on her good clothes for most of time down here, yet today she seemed more spruced up than usual. Besides the barbeque and the day we came, She’d been wearing her robe or old dresses with patches and sewed up holes.
“Hush, child. Mama’s going up into town for a checkup. I need you and your brother to be on your best behavior while Sam and Auntie June’s neighbor watch yall”
I was sitting in the front room when I overheard her. My relaxed slouch quickly switched to an erect stance and skipped over into the kitchen where they were talking.
“I don’t want to stay in here with them,” said Richard. “Can I come with you?” I jittered as I waited for their conversation to end.
“No baby. Sam will take care of you. Ain’t that right?” She asked with stern eyes. I nodded.
“So Carolyn is babysitting too?”
“The young lady next door? Oh yeah, your aunt is coming with me to the doctor, and I guess the girl was supposed to clean for her, but she said she should babysit with you instead.” I felt like running up the stairs to kiss my auntie. This would be the best time to finally hang out with Carolyn beyond her porch.
At that moment, Auntie June scuffled into the kitchen, hacking up loud coughs. She walked over to the cabinet above the sink to grab a glass and then opened the fridge to pour a pretty large cup of orange juice.
“I feel horrible Baby Sis. I don’t know if I can come with you today.”
“Oh no! Well don’t worry about nothing. I’ll just have a cab drive me over there.”
“Are you sure? It’s just a cough.”
“No, you just rest!” Auntie sipped on her orange juice while Mama went to dial for a cab. My time alone was over before it could even happen.
The doorbell rang, and I rushed to the front to beat my mama from answering. I figured it was Carolyn and I wanted to be the first one she saw. It was her, and she was looking beautiful as usual. As she stepped in to enter the house, I reached to hug her, but I felt her pull away and slid through my arms. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but she turned back and smiled so I figured she meant no harm.
When she entered the kitchen, Auntie June told her the change of plans and asked if she still wanted to babysit. She said she didn’t mind and Mama finally came down to meet her.
“Oh this must be Carolyn. Nice to meet you young lady.”
“Nice to meet you too. Ms. June and Sam have told me so much about you.” I cringed at what she said, and could feel Mama’s eyes piercing through the side of my head. I looked up, and there she was. Staring at me like she could see what I was thinking.
“Really now? How much time do you spend with my son?” Sensing my anxiety, Carolyn covered for me.
“Not much. We just talked at the barbeque and I see him sometime when he’s watching the little ones ma’am.”
“Alright then. I was just seeing. You seem a bit older, and my boys know they can’t have no little girlfriend until they out of my house and grown. Right Sam?” I looked at Carolyn and she just shrugged her shoulders.
“Yes Mama,” I said through gritted teeth.
When the cab came, Mama left and we all went outside to sit on the porch while Ginger and Richard played out in the front yard. In the Tennessee heat, Auntie June brought out her rocker and blanket to cover herself in, said she was going to sweat the cold out her. Meanwhile, Carolyn and I sat on the steps and watched Ginger chase Richard around with a branch.
“You’re mom seemed really uptight in there. I thought she was going to attack me or something.”
“Really, she’s just under some of stress. She didn’t mean that I couldn’t date.” I lied.
“Well she could’ve fooled me. I don’t know why she would’ve thought we were dating. The only thing I’m worried about this summer is getting back home, my real home. Away from this town and making music.” She told me the other day that she wanted to sing and maybe perform in restaurants similar to the ones her parents use to take her to.
“I’d want to see you one day. Up there in New York, and you could show me around.” I placed my hand on top of her’s. I felt really close to her for some reason. That feeling when everything faded out and nothing was left but a focused frame of her happened every time we were around each other, and even though I felt she didn’t feel the same, I let myself delve headfirst without looking back into something I thought was love.
“Yeah maybe when you’re grown as your mom would say.” Teasing me, Carolyn rubbed her fingers through my hair and tussled it around like she was petting a puppy.
“Listen Carolyn, I don’t care what Mama say or how older you are,” speaking a little bit lower and sincere, “I really like you.” With what appeared to be a forced smile, Carolyn tussled through my hair again and leaned over to whisper.
“I like you too, but relationships aren’t my thing.” My ear got so red it looked like fire ants went loose on them. All I cared about was that she liked me. She actually liked me.
She pecked me on the cheek, and I heard Auntie June exaggerating a cough, making me aware that she was still sitting there.
“Ain’t yall younglings suppose to be watching these kids. I’m trying to rest over here, and what I see when I wake up? Yall kissing.”
“Sorry Ms. June,” said Carolyn blushing.
I said sorry as well, but she wasn’t pleased with the apology and motioned her left index finger back and forth, beckoning me to come towards her.
“Carolyn could you give me and my nephew a moment?” Nervously, she stood up from the porch.
“Sure Ms. June.” She looked at me as if she was trying to say sorry and walked over to Ginger and Richard. She ran around the yard with them, lifting up Ginger to take the branch out of her hand that she was still chasing Richard with.
“Sam, what’s going on with yall? You kissing in front of me and your brother and sister. You look like yall done fell in love and you know you suppose to be looking after them.” I looked down and shuffled a rock that laid near my foot across the brown wooden panels on the porch.
“I know ma’am. It won’t happen again.”
“I know it won’t happen nephew, because I not covering for you no more. Just leave Miss Carolyn alone for a while, you hear me?”
“Auntie June! But why?” I almost kicked the rock at her foot and looked up with urgency.
“Who are you raising your voice at boy? I’m not going to have this. Your mother is not well. She is at the doctor, nephew. Yall are down here so she can take her mind off everything back at yall home and relax. I’m not about to have her work herself up over some silly fling. Just do what your mother asked you to do, and if I find out your not I’m going to have to tell her what you been up to.” I didn’t know what to do. I looked over at Carolyn playing with my siblings and her hair bounced in the wind. She was smiling and playfully running around and I knew I didn’t want to just forget about her.
“Yes ma’am. I’ll leave Carolyn alone.”
“I know you like her nephew, but this is for the best.”
I walked over to Carolyn and told her that Auntie June thought it was best that she leave.
“Really? I don’t understand. Does she still want me to come over next week to clean?”
“I don’t know either. She probably does still want you to, but we can’t hang out anymore.”
“Well walk me to my porch.” I was sure that Auntie June wouldn’t mind so I walked her over.
At the porch, she whispered into my ear again.
“Why don’t you meet me next week at Mr. Benson’s store by the lake? Just make up some excuse and we won’t have to stop hanging out, ok?” I nodded my head and she went into her house. Auntie June had been staring me down up on that porch the whole time possibly, but I didn’t pay no mind. I would be with Carolyn again and no one would know.
When Mama came back after a few hours, she looked tired and was carrying a small bag with some medication in it. She never told us what it was, and I have a feeling that she was trying to hide everything from us. She walked past Auntie June and didn’t say one word. Auntie June told us to head in the house and warm up some leftovers so she could go lay down. That night, it was just me, Ginger, and Richard in the kitchen engulfed in silence once again.
The only time I saw Carolyn during the week Auntie June wouldn’t cover for me was when she was on her way to work at Mr. Benson’s shop in the mornings. I watched her stroll past the front window and hear her humming. I loved listening to her voice and at night sometimes there was a faint sound from her bedroom across the yard where she was practicing her guitar just singing anything. I loved that she did that. I loved that she had big dreams and wanted to do things I was way to afraid to ever think of. I loved that she was older and understood what I was going through.
Carolyn may have wanted to be friends, but I knew that she was the one.
Friday finally came, and I was going to meet with Carolyn at Mr. Benson’s shop down the road by the big pond. I decided to go up to Mama’s room in Auntie’s house to find out if she needed anything from the store.
“Nah, son I’m fine. But can you go downstairs and fetch me a cup of water so I can take my pill. Maybe June needs something. Why don’t you ask her instead?”
“Alright Mama. What are those pills for anyways?”
“I don’t know baby. He told me that they suppose to help me feel less stressed and calm me down. But gone on now and get me some water.” I left her room and knew Auntie June might be suspicious if I all of a sudden ask her if she needed something from Mr. Benson’s shop. When I got in the kitchen to pour Mama a cup of water, I saw Auntie June flipping through a magazine drinking orange juice.
“You feeling ok Auntie? Been drinking that orange juice everyday now.”
“This cold here is a stubborn one. But I know this orange juice is going help flush it out.” Before taking another sip, she let out a cough that seemed to rip through layers of mucus.”
“Yeah,” covering my mouth and nose, “maybe I should run up to the store for you and get you another carton.”
“You know, that’s not a bad idea nephew. Let me get up and get my purse.” She walked over to the counter where her bright neon blue pocketbook laid, and pulled out a matching wallet with sequence detailing on the outer edges.
“Here’s four dollars. I want my change back, you hear?”
“Yes ma’am!” I ran up the stairs with Mama’s cup of water nearly spilling half on the steps up. When I came back down, Auntie June was sitting by the door with both arms folded across her chest.
“Alright Auntie June. I’ll be back in a few with your OJ.”
“Huh uh. Don’t be long or I’m going to assume that you running off with Miss Carolyn over there.” She grabbed my arm and said sternly, “If you’re not back in a half a hour boy, I going to have no choice, but to tell her what you’re up to.”
“Don’t fret Auntie. I promise I’ll be back.”
I knew she was serious so I had to make sure I paid attention to the time while I was with Carolyn.
I signaled Carolyn from the glass door outside to meet me by the lake. I saw her tell Mr. Benson that she was going to take her break and she grabbed her guitar in the corner. She then threw over her smock as she walked toward me. The door jingled as she opened it and she greeted me with a smile.
“I missed you,” I told her.
“It’s nice seeing you again. How did you get out?”
“Auntie June needed some orange juice,” we walked over close to a large rock next to the water. “I said I missed you.”
“I heard you,” she smiled and sat down and began to strum her guitar. I didn’t know what to think. The sun was beaming right above our heads and I wasn’t sure if I should be there. “It’s so hot out here today. I can’t wait to get out of here. I wish my parents never brought me here. All I do is work and melt in this heat.”
I told her that maybe it was a good thing because we were able to meet. She grinned slightly and went back to strumming her guitar. I was fallen for her real hard, but it didn’t seem she shared the feeling. She made everything sound temporary.
“Do you think you’ll write me when you get to New York,” I asked
“Maybe. If I’m not a big star,” she chuckled, showing her luminous teeth that gleamed in the sunlight. I felt like I had to tell her how I really felt or she’d brush me off like everything else in Louisburg.
“I love you Carolyn!”
She looked up from her guitar and didn’t say anything. She just turned right around and starting running toward the pond and jumped right in with all her clothes.
“Is you crazy girl? What you do that for?”
“Its hot out here Sam. Come on in. Just jump!” I saw a few rocks along side the edge of the small cliff framing the pond. I wondered how she was able to miss them. I backed up a few paces and ran forward, building speed to jump toward Carolyn. I figured I didn’t jump far enough because I heard a loud voice across the pond; however, it didn’t sound like Carolyn’s voice.
“No son! What are you doing? NO!”
It was more raspy and terrified than I ever heard my Mama. My head turned to see where her voice came from before crashing into the shallow end of the water. My head hit a rock and the water around me became murkier, and I was unable to see where Mama had came from. I could hear muffled screams and feel waves of rushing water coming toward me, possibly from Carolyn, but by then everything went dark and I was left thinking about the scream across the pond.
Steady, sombrous beeps woke me from my unconsciousness. Mama was sleep next to me holding my hand, and a small television in the corner of the small room filled with chairs and medical machines hung next to the window. Wheel of Fortune was on and no one seemed to be watching. My Auntie June saw that my eyes were open and shook Mama’s shoulder.
“He’s awake! Wake up girl!”
“Oh my Baby! What were you doing out by that cliff? If you weren’t in this hospital, I could kill you.”
“Mama I’m sorry…” She burst into tears and grabbed at my sheets. I would have thought she was really going to hurt me if my Auntie June didn’t pull her away. I saw Ginger and Richard sitting in the chairs furthest away from my bed crying. Mama was scaring us all.
Auntie June entered the room again without Mama, and sat down beside me.
“Look nephew, your mama is getting check in here. She really is going through a lot of stress, and I think its best she stay for a couple of days while you’re here.”
I shook my head and understood she needed help. “Where’s Carolyn?” Auntie June raised her eyebrow and frown with a look of bad news.
“Baby, she didn’t want to come to the hospital. Said she had to get back to work.” I sat back in the bed and thought that if she were the one laying here, I would have been by her side. I would’ve kept her company and made sure she was ok. I didn’t know what to think of her now.
I was released from the hospital after three days, and there was still no show from Carolyn. She didn’t even call me. I felt hurt and nothing was making sense. What happened?
Mama was released the same day, and she seemed calmer. Auntie June said they put her on some stronger anti-depressants that should help through her stress. Mama said she needed to go back home and figure things out with Pa, and we were going to be leaving Louisburg soon.
I was indifferent on the matter because it seemed that everything that I was beginning to love with Carolyn was crumbling away. I knocked on her door when I came back, and she didn’t answer. Mr. Benson said she hadn’t been to work that day when I went down to the grocery store. After leaving the store, I sat by the water and looked down at the spot were I fell. I felt angry looking at the spot, knowing that I jumped to be with Carolyn and she was no where to be found. Just when I was getting up to go back to Auntie’s house, I saw Carolyn’s long hair and warm brown eyes coming my way.
“What happened to you?”
“I had to work Sam. Your mom was upset that you were with me and I thought it was best that I lay low after that.”
“But you didn’t even check if I was ok. I done jumped off that cliff and nearly died and you disappeared. I thought you,” She interrupted me and threw her hand in my face.
“Look, I never said we were together, or that I loved you Sam. We were just hanging out. You know? Like friends,” I felt my face burn, “I’m glad to see that you’re ok, but everything with your family and all of this is too much. You’re a nice kid, but I just need to get back to working. Take care ok.”
“Ok.” It was all I could say. The back of my throat tightened up and it felt dry from me trying to hold my tears. She kissed me on the cheek for the last time and turned back to the Mr. Benson’s shop.
She walked away. I stood watching her hair float back behind her and the hot sun beating down on my head. I never wrote her, figured she probably went on up to New York or something. I didn’t say much to anybody after that for a while, guess Mama realized from Auntie June that she should stay out of things for now on, but right now it don’t matter too much to me. I loved Carolyn that summer and she didn’t even care, and I was too blind to even notice. I left Tennessee broken, with nothing but my memories and scars to show for it.
